Life is too short to have bad sex (even though bad sex may only take a few minutes). Well, OK, sometimes bad sex is useful because it teaches you what you don’t like and also without it there would be a lot less to talk about while getting tipsy at brunch.
But once you’re in a relationship, the sex should be good. When it is, it’s part of the glue that binds you two together. (And when it’s not, it can be the wedge that drives you so far apart you look back one day and are like, WTF was I thinking staying in that hellscape I called a relationship?)
These are some of the sex secrets for happy couples;
Learn what works best for you and ask for it
Ultimately you are responsible for knowing your body and creating the conditions for your own sexual pleasure. Find an undisturbed place where you playfully touch and stimulate different parts of your body and learn about what sensations feel good to you. A good vibrator can be very helpful in learning about what stimulation will bring you to orgasm. The more you know about your own body the better you and your lover will be able to please you. Guide him by saying positive things like, “I love it when you stroke my breast gently.” Or “I would love you to use your magic mouth on my tummy and work your way down.”
Learn what works best for him
In order to learn what works for him, try touching, massaging, licking or stimulating all the different parts of his body. Observe and ask him questions about what feels good. Try different sexual acts, variations in intercourse positions and most importantly, oral sex. Virtually all men adore oral sex. If you have a problem with this, consider the fact that if your man showers, chances are his mouth has more germs than his penis does!
Make sure that you are fully satisfied
In the end, make sure that both of you are completely satisfied no matter whether that’s achieved orally, manually or through intercourse. Satisfying sex releases endorphins, which elevate mood and lower stress and pain levels. So after having sex each partner associates feeling good with the other. Testosterone, the sexual hormone engine for both men and women, also generates feelings of connection. And finally, having sex drives up levels of oxytocin which explains why for many men, having sex is usually synonymous with feeling intimate and close.
Next Steps
If your partner has erectile dysfunction there are medications available that have been very effective. Don’t let a physical problem prevent either of you from having sex. Check with your physicians. Treat this problem as you would diabetes or any other serious illness. It will be well worth it.
Sex is a wonderful gift to be enjoyed and shared by both of you. Good, frequent sex promotes your own health, that of your man and the vitality of the relationship. It is even associated with a reduced incidence of breast cancer in women who have never had a child, more restful sleep, pain relief, elevation of mood, looking younger, overall fitness, longevity and happiness! So uplift your sexual chemistry and go for it!
