I realize now that I shouldn’t have allowed anything to stop me , but that was the issue: the fear. I was born with six siblings ,me as the last born but again as the invisible one. In my family no one recognized my victory , I was never really involved in many activities or clubs even during my first year of college and I never went to many events as a young adult. I know that’s not really the normal thing to do during the first year, because that’s all you ever hear is getting involved to make friends. I understand the point of saying that, and of course I wanted to make some friends, but honestly, I was just flat out terrified to go to anything. Maybe that all seems a little extreme but to me it was definitely very real.
All those quotes you see about ”face your fear” “you can do it,” and ” be brave” meant nothing and just didn’t help, neither did anything that anyone said. I usually believe that words are pretty powerful, but not in this case at least. And that is basically how it was for the whole time I was at school , I barely ventured out to anything extra-curricular because of the way I felt about myself. For a while I was able to fake the fact that I wasn’t ready, but ”fake it till you make it” that was the problem, I had faked it too long and I didn’t know how to make it. And the difficulties only made it worse. I was afraid of not knowing if people were using sarcasm, if I was making eye contact, or not picking up on nonverbal cues. Also I was worried about what people might think of me if those things were to happen. Scared to death is probably the best statement to describe how I went through the year.
For a while I was able to fake the fact that I wasn’t ready, but ”fake it till you make it” that was the problem, I had faked it too long and I didn’t know how to make it.
I spent nearly eight months of denial, feeling like everyone is staring at me all the time, so quite inside until I was lucky enough to fall in love.. this was the time that I realized that maybe I should have been ready to go out and get involved in every single thing that I could but truthfully I wasn’t, and don’t think anything could have made me ready. I had to do it all on my own. Accepting my imperfections was like swimming in a blazer of fire but to impress the love of my life I started conquering my fears and even though everything that I did seemed as a new thing to me I was ready to make these baby steps.
Written by,
Nakajiri Prisca
This is so inspiring 😍
For real it’s touching but all in all you just need to find the way forward not by the help of others but the confidence you have in your self