One of my favourite books is The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by Gary Chapman. In this book he outlines five general ways that romantic partners express and experience love, which Chapman calls “love languages”.
According to Chapman’s theory, each person has one primary and one secondary love language.
Knowing your partner’s love languages helps you understand them better. Personally my love language is Physical touch followed by Quality time. Receiving gifts scored least. This doesn’t mean I don’t like gifts, It means I would spend time with you than receive gifts from you.
The love languages are broken down as;
1: Words of Affirmation
People with words of affirmation as a love language value verbal acknowledgments of affection, including frequent “I love you’s,” compliments, words of appreciation, verbal encouragement, and often frequent digital communication like texting and social media engagement. This love language expresses love with words that build up your partner. Verbal compliments don’t have to be complicated; the shortest and simplest praises can be the most effective.
“You look handsome”
“You always make me laugh.”
On the other hand, negative or insulting comments can hurt your partner and it could take them longer to forgive than others.
2. Acts of Service
This love language is for people who believe that actions speak louder than words. This love language expresses itself by doing things that you know your spouse would like. Unlike those who prefer to hear how much they’re cared for, people on this list like to be shown how they’re appreciated by doing the smaller and bigger chores to make their lives easier or more comfortable for example cooking a meal, doing the laundry, and picking up a prescription are all acts of service. They require some thought, time, and effort.
3. Receiving Gifts
Gifts is a pretty straightforward love language: You feel loved when people give you “visual symbols of love,” as Chapman calls it. It’s not about the monetary value but the symbolic thought behind the item. People with this style recognize and value the gift-giving process: the careful reflection, the deliberate choosing of the object to represent the relationship, and the emotional benefits from receiving the present. Something as simple as picking up a pint of their favorite ice cream after a long work week can make a huge impact.
4. Quality Time
This love language is all about undivided attention. No televisions, no smartphones, or any other distractions. If this is your partner’s primary language, they don’t just want to be included during this period of time, they want to be the center of your attention. They want their partners to look at them and them only.
This doesn’t mean that you don’t curl up on the couch to watch Netflix or HBO; it just means that you need to make sure to dedicate time together without all of the distractions. That will help them feel comforted in the relationship.
Every time you cancel a date, postpone time together or aren’t present during your time together, it can be extremely hurtful to your partner as it can make them feel like you care more about other things or activities than them.
5. Physical Touch
People who communicate their appreciation through this language, when they consent to it, feel appreciated when they are hugged, kissed, or cuddled. They value the feeling of warmth and comfort that comes with physical touch
If Physical Touch is your partner’s primary love language, they will feel unloved without physical contact. All of the words and gifts in the world won’t change that. They want to feel you close by, not just emotionally, but physically.
Conclusion
It is important to know your partner’s love language as well as your own. There are several test online which you can take as a couple or an individual.
