Somewhere in a locked room is a young woman that just found out that she is pregnant. She is not ready for this child. She is either in school or just graduated. She is either a church minister or a church goer. She is very scared. She is not sure how to break the news to her boyfriend because chances are high he may not be supportive. Somewhere out there is one that has been told by the man responsible that he cannot be part of “it” if she decides to keep the baby. Somewhere out there is one whose parents are so tough, she is afraid she will be thrown out of home. Somewhere out there is one that just realized that her baby daddy is actually married.
Today, my heart reaches out to any of these women. I would love to share my story with you. Wherever you are, I need you to know that God has your hand.
Close to five years ago, I met someone I will call “Jake” He was the kind you would call an eligible bachelor. In my eyes, he was the perfect knight in shining armor. I was a Christian girl even then but I was relating with Jake intimately. A few months later, I realized Jake was actually married. To say I was crushed emotionally is an understatement. After thinking it all through, I made up my mind to walk out of that relationship so I would not have to ruin another woman’s marriage. The sad bit was that after I walked out, I realized I was pregnant three days later.
I remember walking out of the laboratory and running home. I locked myself in my room and wept for hours. This was the last thing i wanted. I decided to let Jake know about the coming child but i did not get positive feedback or support.
Please note that i am not seeking to mud sling my child’s father. So i wont be sharing much about him here.
It is in that instant that I decided that I was going to have this child no matter what it took. I was on my own and had to act really fast. I was on the church worship team and I knew how much my pastor would be crushed with this news. But all the same, I scheduled an appointment with him and his wife and told them what had happened. I can never forget the painful look in his eyes. But again, I thank God that he chose to stand with me and cover me as his child. He told me “Peshy, This is really not good. But you are my daughter. I am with you all the way” To me, that was all I needed then. It gave me the courage to take in whatever happened after.
Later that evening i got home and sat both my parents down and told them what had happened. They had always believed in me a lot, they still do. But at that particular time I had just graduated and I am certain what they expected next was to see me walk down the aisle. Their dreams were crushed. I can never forget the look in their eyes that night. But I remember them embracing me and telling me that “It is okay, we shall stand with you Peshy”
Having informed the people that mattered in my life then, I had to face the world with all its harsh judgement. I remember being labeled all kinds of names. Some of my friends at church kept avoiding me like a plague. But I closed my ears to their jabs. Deep in my spirit i knew God still loved and adored me. I shut my ears off any negative energy that was around me and purposed to love myself and wait on my child. Somehow I knew I was expecting a boy.
Things were not easy then. I lost friends, I lost my job and it really got tough in the first trimester considering that I was going through it all alone. At that time I would have loved it if Jake was present but I knew it was next to impossible. I went through every stage with the support of my family and my pastor with his wife. God surrounded me with a strong support network. I had my son 11 months later after a C-section and started out to raise him.
While I was pregnant, I sowed seeds for my son. I made a covenant with God and I was persuaded he was not an ordinary child. From the first day I laid hands on him, I saw greatness. I cannot really say it has been a smooth ride, it has been pretty tight. I have had days when i couldn’t afford to buy him what he needed. We have had days when he has badly wanted something and I could not give it to him then. There have been days when he asked for his dad and he was not available.
But amidst all that, God has been faithful. I named my son “Mwesigwa” and it was a prophetic name. God has been faithful to both of us. I would like to encourage the woman that may be in the exact place I found myself in years ago. It will not be easy, I am not going to lie to you that it will. But we have God. He is the father to the fatherless, he will help you raise that child.
Please do not consider abortion. Abortion does not “un-pregnant” you, it only makes you the mother of a dead child. Please keep that child. You will be amazed at the joy they will bring you after you hold them or look at them years later. I look at my son now and all I see is God. He makes me laugh, he cares so deeply about me, he is my best friend, he is my constant factor. Please keep that child, no matter how hard it gets. You will be glad you did.
I have seen people judge girls that get pregnant when they are not married. Well, it happens. But I need you to know that even in that state, God will always bring you people that will support and stand with you. They will cheer you on until you hold your child. They will walk with you every step of the way. God blessed me with people that have been there from day one to date. Try to steer clear of negative energy, surround yourself with people who care about you and the entire journey will not be as hard as you think it may be
Above all, develop a close knit relation ship with God. Trust me, there are days when you will feel so alone that even your support system may not be able to fill that gap. It is those moments that you will need God most. I had to teach myself that while I was the mother to my son, He was the father. The days I have felt overwhelmed, I always run to him and he embraces me. He tells me “it is okay” There have been days when I just broke down and cried watching my son in a sorry state, God held me then and whispered to me that He was in control. And it was enough to calm me and help me push on regardless of how bleak the day looked.
I do not want to tell you imaginary tales. What I am sharing with you is real. I have been there. I have seen God walk with me and fight for me all the way. I have seen Him anoint me with His oil of gladness and grant me beauty for ashes. I never thought then, that I could shine as bright again. But I have seen God cause me to shine, He has brought me to places I never thought I would go. My path shines bright and brighter unto the perfect day.
Back then , many thought I had backslid, but when I look back now. I realize I have grown much more spiritually and God is using me each day. He has given me friends that love me and my son. He has healed me of the bitterness and anger I had towards Jake. He has released my heart. I am a joyful person today because I let God take all this rubble up and make me a golden crown out of it. I am enjoying wearing this crown.
Woman of God, You will make it. Look not at men, look at the rock from which you were crafted. Look at your Savior, he made you and you belong to Him. Allow Him walk with you. He will perfect all that concerns you. He loves you, you are not and will never be alone.
God has got you. Yes, He has got you.
Love,
Peshy
