Although new parenting books and child discipline strategies are always surfacing, many “new” parenting ideas are actually sub-types of the basic five types of discipline. Experts don’t always agree on which type of discipline is best, but it’s clear that there are benefits to each one.
Determining which type of discipline is right for your family should be a personal choice based on your temperament, your child’s temperament, and your family’s discipline philosophies. There isn’t a single type of discipline that will work for all kids or all families and in every situation. It’s likely that you might take an eclectic approach, where you use a few different techniques from each type of discipline.
Positive Discipline
Positive discipline is based on praise and encouragement. Instead of focusing on punishment, parents keep making discipline about teaching.1
Parents teach problem-solving skills and work with their children to develop solutions. Positive discipline uses family meetings and an authoritative approach to addressing behavior problems. Here’s an example:
- A 6-year-old refuses to do his homework. A parent using positive discipline might sit down with the child and say, “I know your teacher wants you to get your math paper done tonight and you don’t want to do it. What can we do to get that paper done so you’ll be able to show Mrs. Smith that you got all your homework done on time?”
Gentle Discipline
Gentle discipline focuses on preventing problems. Redirection is often used to steer kids away from bad behavior.
Kids are given consequences, but gentle discipline isn’t about instilling shame. Instead, parents often use humor and distraction. The focus of gentle discipline is about parents managing their own emotions while addressing a child’s misbehavior. Take this example:
- A 6-year-old refuses to do his homework. A parent using gentle discipline might respond with humor by saying, “Would you rather write a two-page paper explaining why you didn’t want to do your math tonight?” Once the situation is diffused, a gentle disciplinarian would offer to look at the math paper alongside the child to discuss getting it done.
Boundary-Based Discipline
Boundary-based discipline focuses on setting limits and making the rules clear upfront. Kids are then given choices and there are clear consequences for misbehavior, such as logical consequences or natural consequences. Here’s how it would play out in this case:
- A 6-year-old refuses to do his homework. A parent using boundary-based discipline would set a limit and make the consequence clear by saying, “You won’t be able to use any of your electronics tonight until your work is done.”
Behaviour Modification
Behaviour modification focuses on positive and negative consequences. Good behaviour is reinforced with praise or rewards. Misbehaviour is discouraged through the use of ignoring and negative consequences, like the loss of privileges. For example:
- A 6-year-old refuses to do his homework. A parent using behaviour modification might remind the child of any prearranged rewards already in place by saying, “Remember, once you get your homework done, you get to use the computer for 30 minutes.” Praise would be offered if the child chooses to comply. The parent would ignore any protests.
Emotion Coaching
Emotion coaching is a five-step discipline process that focuses on teaching kids about feelings. When kids understand their feelings, they can verbalize them rather than act on them. Kids are taught that their feelings are okay and parents help teach them appropriate ways to deal with their emotions. Such as when:
- A 6-year-old refuses to do his homework. Using emotion coaching, a parent helps the child identify feelings saying, “I know it makes you sad that you can’t play because you have to do your homework. Math can be hard and frustrating when you don’t know the answers or it takes a long time. Let’s draw how you feel when you do your math homework.”
